by Sunny and Shay
Growing up you’re always told about the big landmarks to look forward – graduating from university, getting the job of your dreams, buying your first house, falling in love then getting married and the biggest landmark is starting a family.
This is something that is preached to us all but as we know life does not always turn out this way. Sunny and I have been together for over 11 years and the pressure has definitely been on for us to start a family but no one leads a conventional life.
If one person in the relationship is not ready to have a child and the other is then that’s definitely not the time to have a child. Both Sunny and I believe in having shared goals in life which we work towards together as a couple. The biggest goal for me has been to start a family but that has to happen at the best time for us both as a couple.
A relative once told me that if a lady lies to her husband then they will never know and that way you get what you want. Now this advice is definitely the worst piece of advice I have ever heard! Starting a family on lies is not the way to begin a family at all.
As women we are always under pressure from loved ones or society but I firmly believe that if you are in a loving stable relationship then starting a family or having a baby must be a choice you make together. As much as our biological clock might be ticking there’s no reason that we can’t control when we want that clock to stop… the decision is ours not our families, not our friends and definitely not societies!
I believe that you need to live your life and get to know your partner before you have a baby. Many a time I have seen couples get married and have a baby straight away and the binding factor is their children – they do not actually know the person they are married to. Fast forward 18 years and when the children move out they are living together with a stranger who they love because of their children. There is nothing wrong with this but it’s definitely not an ideal situation. Your binding factor should not be your children it should be the two of you. This will then allow you to love and be there for your children more because you both are a strong unit.
11 years is a long time to know your partner but I have to say I have enjoyed my journey together with Shay so far. A new member to our relationship would be great but should be done when we are ready not under the pressure of our family or friends.
I can’t count how many times someone has told me that there is no right or wrong time to start a family. And I think they are right. Age and time should not be a factor when planning to have a baby because there truly is no right or wrong time. As with most things we can only take from experiences around us – our parent’s generation have proved that in the hardest circumstances like uprooting and immigrating to a new country to start a new life they could still have loving families with their children – it can be done sometimes in the tuffest circumstances. And over the years its been proven that working and older couples who start families are great parents too. So, therefore you have to do what’s right for you as couple.
If you are with a partner who is not ready to have a child or a partner who wants a child and you do not then conversation and respect for each other’s opinions should be the first and foremost priority. There are many men who don’t like talking as we’d much rather watch football then sit and have a heart to heart. So, I completely understand when women say I can’t talk about this because he is avoiding the topic. But if you are passionate about starting a family together then you have to find the time, make the time to ensure that you are both ready. Succumbing to societies pressure will only mean that you resent society. It’s a decision only for you both as a couple.