{"id":13669,"date":"2016-04-25T11:27:07","date_gmt":"2016-04-25T10:27:07","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/?p=13669"},"modified":"2016-04-25T11:27:07","modified_gmt":"2016-04-25T10:27:07","slug":"my-big-fat-indian-non-wedding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/2016\/04\/25\/my-big-fat-indian-non-wedding\/","title":{"rendered":"My Big Fat Indian Non Wedding"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week, BBC news reported that the charity Shelter predicted that by the year 2020, first-time buyers in London will need an average salary of \u00a3106,000! But it\u2019s not just property prices that are rapidly on the increase; last summer the average wedding cost in the UK was at least \u00a330,000. And of course, South Asian weddings, known for their extravagance and multiple events with guests in the count of hundreds, are large contributors within this market.<\/em><\/p>\n

Yes, wedding season is back on! And I certainly am not short of invitations, which have stretched out to most of the year. I\u2019ll admit that whilst I do try to avoid the unexpected invitation from a relative who is a son\/daughter of my mother\u2019s third or fourth related cousin who she hasn\u2019t seen in 30 years (yes this still happens in 2016!), I actually do enjoy a good old big fat Indian wedding. The opportunity to get dressed to the nines and indulge in the festivities accompanied by good food, music and family and friends is enticing enough isn\u2019t it?<\/em><\/p>\n

Well, if you\u2019re a singleton like me, particularly in South Asian weddings, the high probability of being greeted by fellow guests with the infamous question \u201cWhen is it your turn?\u201d is sometimes the crucial factor in changing the RSVP to not attending. Sound too drastic?\"11011522_10155543284690654_9139094298534071897_n\"<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

I\u2019ve become accustomed to this pre-meditated script that HAS to be routinely narrated at weddings by relatives, friends and even strangers claiming to know you when you were just a little girl. Common dialogues include, \u201cAre you not looking? Why are you being fussy? Don\u2019t you want children?\u201d etc. etc.. We\u2019ve all heard it before and let\u2019s face it, until there\u2019s a ring on the finger, there are no escaping these questions, especially not for me.<\/em><\/p>\n

Being a 37 year old city worker, single and living alone is basically close to being 60 in the eyes of many Indian relatives and self-proclaimed family members. When asked, what I\u2019m doing with my life, my failure to understand that this is the code for \u201cwhen the hell are you getting married\u201d, and NOT an actual interest in my own achievements, within seconds it\u2019s enough to break the bubble of my happy world. Am I not accomplished person until I am someone else\u2019s wife?<\/em><\/p>\n

With that in mind, I have a few simple rules that I attempt to adhere to in order to enjoy the celebration of two people\u2019s new life journey.<\/em><\/p>\n

Rule number one \u2013 Never be the one that gets incredibly drunk at the wedding party, whilst sitting at the bar, whining to the barman about how you\u2019re always the bridesmaid but never the bride. There is a time and place to moan about heartache and this isn\u2019t one of them, especially if you\u2019ve just knocked back another tequila shot and unable to walk straight without assistance. Not only is it self-centered, but also unattractive and a sure way of not catching the attention of the opposite sex in the way you had maybe hoped for! Get over it love, you\u2019re not Devdas!<\/em><\/p>\n

Rule number two – When questioned by the aunty you’re supposedly related to but have never met before as to why your poor ring finger is still lonely, avoid sarcastic humour at all times. Whilst weddings are assumed to be the most appropriate place to ask inappropriate questions, trust me when I say that sarcasm is a tried and tested method, which will fail miserably. However tempting it is to answer a question on the status of your personal life to a stranger with \u201cFine thanks, how is your bedroom life?\u201d, just fight that urge. Not only is it the wrong audience, but also nine out of ten times, an ear bashing en route home from the parents is guaranteed.<\/em><\/p>\n

\"11393211_10155589662760654_7417255515585409833_n\"<\/a>Rule number three \u2013 People are on a need to know basis, i.e. your personal life doesn\u2019t require validation from or justification to anyone. My choice to not disclose my private life beyond those close to me, has certainly amplified the volume of questions and curiosity at weddings. But revealing the list of failed relationships or casual Tinder dates simply adds no value to an already uncomfortable conversation with unfamiliar faces. Contrary to belief, it’s NOT raining men!<\/em><\/p>\n

On the flip side, if you are single and have kept a sneaky eye for any fellow singletons on the dancefloor, don\u2019t knock back the prospect of match making especially since weddings are the perfect \u201cnetworking\u201d venue. I always tell my non-Indian friends, that I\u2019m amazed at how brazenly fellow Indians can approach each other at weddings to couple people together. Cilla Black\u2019s spirit certainly lives on in desis..<\/em><\/p>\n

Rule number four – Comparison is the thief of joy. Someone else\u2019s wedding day should NEVER be used to benchmark where our own lives are, which has sadly become quite prevalent amongst a lot of single people I know. Where you may feel that someone\u2019s wedding day is a reflection on how stagnant your own life is, a wedding is not the same as a marriage.<\/em><\/p>\n

Helping my best friend prepare for her wedding recently, was the perfect opportunity to distract myself from my own personal circumstances, but was also the realization as to why we were both fortunate to be where we are now in our different paths.\u00a0Our friendship has grown from strength to strength over the eighteen years we have known each other, and I\u2019ve witnessed her evolve into an incredibly strong woman who faced every hardship with dignity. Her wedding day was the celebration of her new journey, that which was the rest of her life that she was willing to share with someone else.<\/em><\/p>\n

At a time where was I consumed with self-pity, it was a reminder as to how much commitment, dedication and more importantly trust it takes for two people to decide to create a future together. With a sparkle in her eye as she was ready to walk down the aisle, she didn\u2019t hesitate to remind me \u201cSej, don\u2019t underestimate your freedom.\u201d And she\u2019s absolutely right. Instead of woefully counting down how few of us single friends are unmarried, now\u2019s the time to use these experiences to grow, transform and blossom.\"IMG_2320-1\"<\/em><\/p>\n

We all have a love-hate relationship with weddings and its attendees. Naturally it\u2019s easy to get blinded by those whose intentions are in good faith and those that are simply intrusive. Complimentary as it is, that someone may consider you a \u201csuitable\u201d match for their son\/nephew, rejection isn\u2019t always accepted gracefully and I\u2019ve often heard \u201cBeggars can\u2019t be choosers Sej.!\u201d Correction, I don’t beg! My parents have instilled enough morals in me to allow me to hold my head up high with self-respect. So, smile, look your best and shake your thang on the dancefloor.!<\/em><\/p>\n

Originally published in sejalsehmi.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week, BBC news reported that the charity Shelter predicted that by the year 2020, first-time buyers in London will need an average salary of \u00a3106,000! But it\u2019s not just property prices that are rapidly on the increase; last summer the average wedding cost in the UK was at least \u00a330,000. And of course, South […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":13,"featured_media":13670,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[77,46,112],"tags":[241,243,242,85],"class_list":["post-13669","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-contributors","category-features","category-top-stories","tag-british-asian-woman","tag-expectations","tag-indian-wedding","tag-sejal-sehmi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13669","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/13"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13669"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13669\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/13670"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13669"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13669"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13669"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}