{"id":11566,"date":"2015-11-18T12:10:12","date_gmt":"2015-11-18T12:10:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/tat.reddaisytrading.co.uk\/index.php\/2015\/11\/18\/let-me-eat-my-cake\/"},"modified":"2016-01-11T17:22:03","modified_gmt":"2016-01-11T17:22:03","slug":"let-me-eat-my-cake","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/2015\/11\/18\/let-me-eat-my-cake\/","title":{"rendered":"Let Me Eat My Cake!"},"content":{"rendered":"
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By writer and blogger Sejal Sehmi of www.sejalsehmi.com<\/h3>\n

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“Don\u2019t worry Sej, we\u2019ve still got our mum\u2019s 40th\u00a0banner ready for you!\u201d Yes this was my 19-year-old cousin\u2019s way of congratulating me on moving into what is often known as the \u201cwrong side\u201d of the 30\u2019s. Of course the zimmer frame and grandma remarks are all in jest, as by the end of my 37th\u00a0birthday celebrations, my cousins and I (our ages ranging from 18-37), are in high spirits discovering the joys of dubsmash.! (whilst others discovered the pains of a hangover the next morning!)<\/p>\n


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Birthdays, for me personally, have a weird way of elevating different emotions. Where there is the excitement and buzz of celebration and merriment, the silent reminder of the not-so-slow ageing process can just as equally dampen that joy. Now don\u2019t get me wrong, you\u2019re not reading the diary of Kingston\u2019s answer to Bridget Jones, (however Mr Darcy\u2019s entry at this point would very much be welcomed!), but society\u2019s obsession surrounding the sudden realisation of a woman\u2019s age is never ending.<\/p>\n


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Culturally, I\u2019ve always appreciated that the generation of women before me, and even my mum, were expected to conform to social norms. Education and financial independence for women from similar ethnic backgrounds in their home countries became more accepted in later generations, but marriage followed by children (ALWAYS in that order), was and still is deemed the preferred, no, I mean, the expected life goals wherever you reside, at the right \u201cage\u201d of course. And for me, it\u2019s no different; even when trying to blow the candle on my cake, I swear I could still picture my aunt\u2019s birthday message on my Facebook timeline \u201cHappy Birthday, now go and get a good husband!\u201d. (#brownskinissues)<\/p>\n


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As much as I admit to being a feminist and following my I-live-my-life-my-way ethos, being raised within a diverse, cultural, warm and loving family environment is something I pride myself on, and see myself continue to be a part of. So if I\u2019m yet to cross paths with \u201cMr Right\u201d, do I continue to remain in anxiety whilst I anticipate if \u201cThe Chosen One\u2019s arrival is upon us to come and save me from my bad run of luck!?\u201d (Wise words of an astrologer; and here\u2019s me thinking it\u2019s 2015!)<\/p>\n


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Unfortunately, it seems that whilst I may not be crying myself to sleep over my unmarried status, many choose to mourn my apparent bad luck, including other girls of my age and background. A few weeks back, I met a newly married friend of mine for dinner, and I was eager to share the details of my new home that I had been saving up for. She introduced me to another newly-wed friend of hers, whom I then discovered would be living in my new neighbourhood. \u201cSo are you moving with your family\/husband\/boyfriend?\u201d, she innocently asked. \u201cErr, nope just me..!\u201d, I say. The oh-so-familiar head tilt follows with a sad and almost apologetic tone, \u201cAh so you don\u2019t want to settle down then..\u201d, she asks.. I didn\u2019t have the heart to say that I\u2019m just unmarried love, not dying!!<\/p>\n


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The word settled to me is unsettling in itself because yes I choose not to just settle for any one particular thing or person, I choose to make the decisions that will shape my future, which includes who I choose to remain committed to. I may be the first on the dance floor at the average Big Fat Indian wedding, but not all of life\u2019s problems are resolved by the magic of marriage, as reflected in the increasing number of divorces that I have seen within South Asian marriages in the UK.<\/p>\n


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A few months back, I went for a yoga retreat in Ibiza (yes it\u2019s not just party land!). This certainly was not an attempt at a New Age find yourself tactic, just some time out for myself, whilst I tried to top up my tan in the sun! It was refreshing to meet like-minded women, and on the surface they seemed so confident, independent and secure. Some were in medicine, others were businesswomen, yet they were all faced with society\u2019s stigmas, mainly that without a man\u2019s presence by a certain age, their intentions were questionable.<\/p>\n


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One of the girls in our group, who had recently taken the brave step in leaving an unhappy marriage, attended a party, where she happened to be one of the very few single women. \u201cThe minute your age and single status becomes public at such an event, women like me are looked at with suspicion.\u201d, she says. Forget what she had achieved since moving back to her hometown alone, a single 40-year-old woman at a predominately couples\u2019 party raised plenty of eyebrows and simply fuelled gossip for the night.<\/p>\n


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Women are often prone to getting caught in an emotional spiral of what they desire vs the guilt of what they should be doing to satisfy others. \u201cYour parents must want grandchildren by now..!\u201d I often hear\u2026 Well of course they do, and I want that for them and myself; but with the right person and in the right relationship! Fortunately, I know, that with my parents, everything else I have achieved doesn\u2019t go silently unnoticed.<\/p>\n


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The sympathetic head tilts in not reaching certain goal posts may be out of good intentions but can be equally as patronising. Contrary to people\u2019s beliefs, not all women of my age are walking around fashioning a sandwich board that\u00a0says \u201cStay away!\u201d in front of every guy they meet or are introduced to! As we get older (and slightly more mature! She says!), our tolerance levels with relationship debacles becomes somewhat heightened and we learn to just move on.<\/p>\n


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Human nature is strange; our materialistic desires are never fulfilled and we make our lives complex by adding the need for society respect and acceptance at different levels. Where does our need to love ourselves just as we are fit in, I often wonder? Why judge if an individual desires something that is right for them?<\/p>\n


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So next time someone wants to ask me, \u201cWhat are you doing about your future Sej? When will you settle down?\u201d, my answer is simple. I\u2019m doing what I should be doing, loving who and what I have now; my family, friends and home. Because if I can\u2019t absorb what I have now, how can I ever move ahead? So on that note, thank you for the birthday wishes, and now let me eat my cake!<\/p>\n


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This article first appeared on www.sejalsehmi.com<\/em><\/p>\n


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By writer and blogger Sejal Sehmi of www.sejalsehmi.com “Don\u2019t worry Sej, we\u2019ve still got our mum\u2019s 40th\u00a0banner ready for you!\u201d Yes this was my 19-year-old cousin\u2019s way of congratulating me on moving into what is often known as the \u201cwrong side\u201d of the 30\u2019s. Of course the zimmer frame and grandma remarks are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":11753,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[77],"tags":[85],"class_list":["post-11566","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-contributors","tag-sejal-sehmi"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11566","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=11566"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11566\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/11753"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=11566"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=11566"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.theasiantoday.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=11566"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}